rational thinking is for the weak…

Ok, I’m losing it.  But only a little…  Well…

I’ve had nausea since before 4 weeks.  There wasn’t much back then, but it has steadily gotten more intense and more constant week by week.  Right up until Thursday.

On Thursday it disappeared.  8w1d seemed awfully early for that to happen.  I started to worry.

Then Friday I had this feeling in my throat, like impending vomit.  It didn’t matter what I was doing – sitting, standing, talking, staring at the computer screen – I needed to know where the nearest bucket (or equivalent) was.

Saturday was more of the same, except I managed to eat breakfast simply by getting out of bed and eating before I had time to think about it.

Then Saturday evening, the nausea returned!  Such relief!  Until it disappeared again a few hours later…

Around the time the nausea disappeared again, I had some spotting.  I have to admit, it was a teeny, tiny bit of brown and arguably brown CM rather than just brown, but my rationality has disappeared with the nausea.  This just scares me now.

So, by bedtime it was back to the throat thing.  Only, for the first time, it went from “impending” to “actual”.

And with all these things worrying me, I’m now also worried about the amount of weight I’ve lost since the start of this pg.  My pre-pg BMI was 38, so it’s not like I’m about to waste away, but I know weight loss during pg is not generally recommended.  But I’ve also heard that some OBs tell their plus size patients to lose some weight.  So far, through no deliberate attempt on my part, I’m down 7kg (15lb).  I’m wondering if I should be calling my OB to mention this?  My first appointment is still another 4 weeks away.

It has been such a long, hard road to reach this point that I’m terrified it’s all going to be taken away.  I’m scared and no amount of frequent peeing or excess emotion is going to allay those fears…