Archive for May, 2010

Thank you!

Posted in Infertility, Pregnancy on 31 May, 2010 by juniper76

Thank you so much to everyone who has offered their congratulations, both here and on FF/BB!  I’m still somewhat in shock at our result.

As of Saturday I have been just completely exhausted, so I figure that’s a good sign.  I am doing my best to calmly wait for Friday’s follow up beta.

Now I just need to work out how to add a ticker to this blog?

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and today’s magic number is…

Posted in Infertility, Pregnancy on 28 May, 2010 by juniper76

278!!!

I can’t believe it!  I’m not sure if I want to throw up because of the excitement, the pregnancy or the cold I’ve caught from DH.   Whichever it is, I’ve got some serious nausea going on…

Taking a step back to a couple of days ago, I had some bleeding on Wednesday afternoon.  I’d gone to the toilet for a pre-pessary pee and there was red blood on the paper.  There was enough that I’d call it light bleeding rather than heavy spotting (even though there was nothing on the panty liner).  I had nothing more that night, but then had some brown bleeding on Thursday morning.  I honestly thought this cycle was a bust.  Wednesday was 14dpo and from what I’ve read that’s too late for implantation spotting/bleeding.  Red blood at 14dpo said to me that AF was trying to visit in spite of the progesterone pessaries.

I considered testing this morning so I knew what to expect, but just the thought of a BFN just about had me in tears.  I wouldn’t have been able to drive myself to the beta if that happened, so I decided to wait.  I’ve actually been very teary for about a week now.  I had put it down to stress, but last time I was pg it was the first real symptom I had.  I just couldn’t allow myself to think that was the case this time.  Trust me, it crossed my mind – I just couldn’t let it stay there.

Anyway, I’m sick and DH is sick, but we’re both very, very happy.

Now for the torturous 1 week wait for the follow up beta.  Yes, you read that right – they’re making us wait a week…

*update* Progesterone level was 620.

5, 4, 2… what will the next number be?

Posted in General, Infertility on 20 May, 2010 by juniper76

I’m sorry it’s been a while.  To be honest I’ve been feeling so completely overwhelmed lately that I have been in shutdown mode.  Minimal communication, maximum avoidance…

So far we’ve cleaned two rooms properly (including disinfecting all surfaces).  We’re sleeping on the futon sofa bed mattress on the floor of the rumpus because our bedroom still hasn’t been properly cleaned and I can’t bring myself to sleep on our bed that they bled on anyway.  We went shopping for a new mattress this week and were quoted $2,850 for a mattress + overlay + mattress protector.  I’m still dumbfounded by that number!  The mattress we’re replacing cost $700 only four years ago.

Anyway, onto the main event…  Just over a week ago I had my ER for this IVF.  We retrieved 5 eggs, which our FS decided he wanted to fertilise with ICSI this time.  4 of the eggs were mature and fertilised successfully.  Two days later we did a 2dt of 2 embryos.  The other 2 had failed to divide.  The two embryos transferred were a 2-cell grade 2 and 4-cell grade 2-.  At our clinic grade 3 is the best quality and these embryos were considered to be of somewhat mediocre quality.  Our FS openly expressed his disappointment that we didn’t get a grade 3 embryo to transfer, which was the cue for any remaining confidence I may have had in this cycle to depart.  To be honest, when we were leaving the clinic I wanted to cancel my acupuncture appointment, throw away the luteal support meds and just give up.  It all seemed like a lot of effort for something that was never going to work.

So, today we are 6 days past transfer and I have diligently done 3 progesterone pessaries each day, afternoon and night.  Tonight I have also done my 3rd and last hcg booster shot, so no more injections now, just 3 pessaries/day until the beta.

I never asked when the beta is.  In the past I’ve been told 15 days after transfer.  I’m not sure if it will be that day though because that is a Saturday.  And not just any Saturday either.  Saturday 29 May 2010 was the EDD for our m/c.  How’s that for timing?

furious…

Posted in Infertility on 11 May, 2010 by juniper76

You may remember, some time ago I explained the meaning behind this blog’s name?

Today, the man in the office next to mine at work welcomed his new baby daughter into the world.  Not only did he get his May baby after we lost ours, but guess what they named her?

I am furious.  DH is furious.

happy birthday to me…

Posted in General, Infertility on 8 May, 2010 by juniper76

Yep, today’s my birthday.  Want to know what my special surprise present was?

We were burgled yesterday.  :(  Jewellery, watches, game consoles, whatever they could carry.  They tried to take the TVs but couldn’t fit them through the window and couldn’t open a door (thumbs up for key locked deadbolts!).

It’s all just stuff.  At this stage (18 hours after coming home to find it), I don’t even particularly care that they took my engagement ring.  My sister is more upset over that than I am.  It’ll be replaced.  It’s just stuff.

What does upset me is this fear of leaving the house.  What if they come back?  They know what else we’ve got.  They know they can get in.  Worse yet, what if they come back while we’re home and sleeping?

(Un?)Fortunately, sleep wasn’t an option last night.  Not both of us at the same time anyway.  We were instructed by the police last night not to touch anything until scene of crime had been there.  We have four mattresses in this house and there was no way to sleep on any of them without potentially contaminating evidence (ie moving things that the thieves had touched or contaminating blood samples).  So, DH & I took turns “sleeping” on the lounge.  I’ll call it sleeping, but that’s probably overstating it…

Scene of crime turned up this morning.  He apologised for calling at 6.30am.  Yeah, like that’s a problem.  He had been and gone by 7.30am.  The verdict was that they wore gloves, so we just have to hope that their DNA is in the police database.

Now we’re just waiting on the glazier to fix the window and then we can start the big clean up properly.  Ah, they’ve just arrived.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, we had our first scan yesterday for the IVF.  There were 8 follicles at 12-14mm and our FS estimates ER will be on Wednesday.  Thankfully the thieves did not tamper with my Synarel or Gonal-f.  Well, hopefully.  I’ve used both and don’t seem to have had any adverse affects so far.  Now to convince myself to be able to leave the house when the weekend’s over…

here’s hoping 5 is our lucky number…

Posted in Infertility on 3 May, 2010 by juniper76

Times like this, I start wondering if I should just change my name to Queen of Procrastination?  Yep, somehow a week has flown past and it has (thus far) done so unremarked…  Let’s rectify that.  ;)

Where did I leave off last time?  Right, AF…

Last week I had the AF from hell.  I really should ask our FS about it on Friday if I get a chance.  The pain was awful and it lasted longer than normal (both the pain and AF).  But, now that it’s just about over, it’s time to focus on the month ahead.

My new FS did make me wait an extra day for my suppression check.  They count CD1 as the first day you wake up bleeding.  If only I’d slept in until 2pm on Tuesday?  So, bright and (disgustingly) early on Saturday morning, we dragged ourselves into the city not too much after our 6.45am target.  As expected, the FS wasn’t there, only one of the nurses.  It was only then that I learned I would be using Gonal-f this cycle.  Since I hadn’t used it before, the nurse talked me through doing the first shot right there in the office before I’d even had the blood drawn for the suppression check.  In the past I’ve always had to wait until they’ve got the blood test results and then start stims the following day, so this nicely cancelled out having to wait an extra day for the suppression check!

Since starting the stims I’ve been feeling strange.  I’m still depressed about the whole #5 thing, but at the same time I’m excited to have started.  And it’s not like I’m going back and forth between these feelings, I’m feeling them both at the same time.  It’s totally bizarre!

Anyway, we go in for our first scan on Friday (day 7 of stims), so for now I’m praying that I have some top quality eggs developing…

At first I was hoping for a lot of eggs, but, after considering our past performance, I’ve decided that’s the wrong thing to hope for.  In the past, whenever we’ve had more than 3 embryos, we’ve had problems with quality:

  1. IVF#1: 3 embryos -> 1 transferred, 2 frozen
  2. IVF#2: 4 embryos -> 2 transferred, 2 discarded
  3. IVF#3: 3 embryos -> 2 transferred, 1 frozen
  4. IVF#4: 6 embryos -> 4 severely fragmented, 2 arrested at day 3

So, with this in mind, I’m praying for quality not quantity.  If I happen to get both, then I’ll be a very happy woman!