Archive for December, 2009

counting down…

Posted in General on 31 December, 2009 by juniper76

There’s 6.5 hours left in 2009 and they can’t pass quickly enough!  I’d write a long post about what 2009 was for me, but we’re heading out and are already running late, so I’ll summarise: 2009 was 3 failed IVF cycles and one early miscarriage.  It was a year of disappointment and grief.  Even the one thing that went right went wrong…

But now it is over and I am determined to put it behind us.  Bring on 2010.  A bright and shiny New Year.

I hope 2010 brings you all every happiness you hope for!  xxoo


faltering on the path to self-destruction…

Posted in General, Infertility on 29 December, 2009 by juniper76

After our transfer was cancelled I was feeling all sorts of emotions, but mostly I felt very, very angry and very, very defeated.  So, after months of being good (eating less sugar, drinking lots of water, taking all the supplements from my acupuncturist, drinking almost no alcohol), I decided all bets were off until the end of the year.  In fact, the words that I actually thought were “Fuck it!”.  I thought those words a lot.  After all, there was only a week and a half left in 2009 to let my hair down, eat and drink what I wanted and just generally indulge in some good old-fashioned self-pity and self-destruction.  How much damage could it do?  I figured, worst case, I’d gain a couple of kilos and maybe get my first hangover…

Then Sunday I woke up with a bit of a sore throat and a headache.  It seemed to improve as the day went on, but didn’t really go away.  Then yesterday, there it was again, and a little worse this time.  Want to guess what today was like?

So, as of yesterday, I’m back on the acupuncture supplements (first and foremost the vitamin C!!) and drinking lots of water.  I’ve got an almost full box of Lindt chocolates (my absolute favourite) sitting in the fridge and I’ve only had 2 of them!  And in my week of indulgence to date, I’ve had 6 cans of pre-mixed rum and coke and 1 bottle of sparkling wine.  That used to be a regular night out when we were younger.  What the hell happened?

Anyway, I’m back on the straight and narrow, and hoping the sinus headache and sore throat disappear soon so we can started on 2010 with a clean slate!

better late than never…

Posted in General on 27 December, 2009 by juniper76

A cheese platter and some very alcoholic punch; roast turkey and vegetables; christmas pudding with brandy custard.  It may have been 2 days late, but Christmas Lunch at my parents’ house today was just what it should be.

Merry Christmas!!

Posted in General on 25 December, 2009 by juniper76

Merry Christmas everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful day, surrounded by those you love!

Can i haz

bear with me…

Posted in General on 21 December, 2009 by juniper76

Okay, I’m starting a blogroll.  Bear with me though, it will take a long time to evolve.  It’s not that I don’t value the blogs I read (I love them!), it’s just that I get very little time to read them and I tend to be a bit erratic with it.  As I read them, they will be added, so please don’t be offended if there’s a delay!  In return I promise I won’t be offended if you decide a gentle reminder is in order…

And if you’re reading this and write your own blog, but haven’t introduced yourself before, now’s the time!  This is an audience participation post!  ;)

what’s in a name?

Posted in Infertility on 21 December, 2009 by juniper76

I’ve been resisting the temptation to write a “F U Universe” type post since my last one.  So we’ll try this instead.

I said in my second post that the name Amber Rains had a meaning.  Perhaps now is the time to explain it?

DH and I started talking about names for our children long before we ever started TTC.  In fact it was back in 2003 that we first agreed on a name, and that name was Amber Rose (for a girl, obviously).  So, Amber is the little girl we’ve been seeking for the last 3 years.  The Rains part is for all the tears that have showered down since we started this journey.

Appropriately, it is raining outside as I write this…

0, the not-so-lucky number…

Posted in Infertility on 20 December, 2009 by juniper76

This will be short.

We were supposed to have our transfer this morning.  When I called the embryologist at 7am I was told that 4 of our embies had started to turn brown (ie dying) and the other two hadn’t grown since day 3.  In her opinion they had ZERO chance of success, so our transfer was cancelled.

I didn’t go to my work Christmas party this afternoon.  This Christmas feels like a non-event anyway (DH won’t even put up the tree).  I have no decorations at home, no decorations at work.  DH won’t let me play carols and won’t drive around with me looking at the Christmas lights.  All the good parts are gone…  All that is left is the pressure to buy just the right presents in very little time and at over-crowded shopping centres that I hate at the best of times.  And heaven help me if I don’t meet someone’s budgetary expectations for their gift(s)!!  Worst of all, instead of having the time to do the Christmas cooking I love so much, we will probably have no food in the house at all because grocery shopping is the last thing on our minds right now.  I mean, who has time to shop for themselves when there’s still presents to buy?

Quite frankly, call me Scrooge and cancel Christmas!

And bah humbug to all the “wasn’t 2009 a great year” posts on Facebook!  Worst.  Year.  Ever.

Oh, yeah, and our favourite Aunt (Flo) will almost certainly be here to make Christmas all the more fun…

I guess this post wasn’t that short.  I might have some anger issues to deal with…