anxiety, terror, expectation…

If it’s possible to die from anxiety, I might just be at risk.  I called the clinic this morning and they said to come in for a beta.  She even said that I should go to her because they’d have the results in an hour!

Of course, they took the sample an hour and a half ago.  And no phone call.  She said she’d ring, but no call.  In the past this has meant bad news – she doesn’t like ringing and delivering bad news – I’ve always had to call her.

So, even though I knew it could sometimes take 2 hours, I called.  I couldn’t stand it.  I’d done as much work as I could manage in the last hour to distract myself, but distraction was over.

And the verdict?  No results yet.  At least it’s not bad news.  But it’s also not an end to my wait.

I probably should have apologised for bothering her.  But I did explain why (ie the tendency to need to call her if it’s a BFN), so hopefully she understands.  Damn them having a busy day in the b/w department this morning!

I don’t know how much more I can take and I dare not leave the phone!  And I really need to pee (that’d be the anxiety again)…

I wish I was at home so I could scream (or get a hug from DH, who has gone home because he is unwell – I suspect there’s a certain anxiety factor there too!).


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